What People Really Long For in Therapy—and in Life

Greeting friends! The ‘ordinary woman’ here.

World Mental Health Day is coming up on October 10, and it feels like the perfect moment to talk about what it means to be truly seen and cared for.

Lessons from 44 years as a therapist: What do people really long for?

I always tried to be the kind of therapist I would have wanted—
Someone who was a Christian, someone who would see and hear me, but not just for my words…

I wanted a therapist to notice how I stood, walked, and held myself.
Was I clutching a purse?
When I sat down in my therapist’s office, did I cover my lap or stomach with a pillow?
Were my eyes red?
Was my face flushed?
Was I shaky?

I wanted all the features that really go with seeing someone.

Seeing someone wasn’t just about whether they were pretty or handsome? Of course, a good therapist would notice that, as well as the person’s grooming.

But in my opinion, a good therapist didn’t just hear with their ears; they also watched the client’s expression and clarified whether the client was feeling the way they appeared to feel.

Did the client have a Kleenex?
Were they shredding it—or something else?
Did the client’s voice crack when speaking?
Did he or she speak ever so softly (or at an average volume, or loudly)?
Did they look or act depressed?

A good therapist noticed the eyes—depression showed in the eyes and in the way a client walked, among other physical indicators. Was the client’s appearance disheveled, or did they look like they “had it all together”?

When I was a client, I wanted to appear as though I “had it all together.” Silly, huh?
I would try to appear as if “I’m fine.”

But once I entered the therapist’s office—before I had even sat down—I would burst into tears.
I made the therapist’s work easy!

I wanted my therapist to have a heart that showed genuine care, compassion, and concern for me.
I wanted a therapist who was confidential and trustworthy, and secure enough in themselves to use their natural reactions to what I was saying.

I wanted a therapist who spoke with warmth in their voice and kindly told me when my words didn’t match my behavior.

I wanted my therapist to be credentialed and licensed—a therapist who respected my rights as a client.

And if the therapeutic relationship didn’t feel right, I learned not to try to figure it out—just find another therapist!

I didn’t ask for much, did I?
And I found the right therapist for me.

_______

I hope this reminds you that you deserve to be fully seen—not just for your words, but for your story, your emotions, and the way you carry yourself.

If something in your relationship with a therapist—or anyone—doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to trust that feeling and look for the support that fits you better.

You are worth being noticed.
You are worth being heard.
You are worth being cared for.

In His hands we live!

Kristin